


Coming Home (Walden Schmidt)

by StarGirl235



Category: Two and a Half Men (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Old Friends, Original Character(s), Romantic Comedy, Sitcom, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29430849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarGirl235/pseuds/StarGirl235
Summary: Jessica Harper, the youngest daughter of Evelyn Harper and sister to Alan Harper. Who moves back to Malibu from New York following her eldest brother Charlie's untimely death. Who helps her mother try to sell the house but fails. In doing so Jess stays in the spare bedroom upstairs to keep Alan company until fate comes calling one stormy night in the form of Jessica's old friend from college Walden Schmidt.
Relationships: Walden Schmidt/Original Female Character(s)





	Coming Home (Walden Schmidt)

_**"Home is where love resides, memories are created, friends and family belong and laughter never ends."** _

Jessica Harper the youngest daughter of Evelyn Harper and sister to Alan Harper. Who Moves back to Malibu following her eldest brother Charlie's untimely death. She helps her mother try to sell the house but fails. In doing so Jess stays in the spare bedroom upstairs to keep Alan company until fate comes calling one stormy night in the form of Walden Schdmit.

**DISCLAIMER**

I do not own Two and a Half Men or it's characters they belong to them. I only own Jessica.

**NOTE 📝**

I apologise for the grammar, grammar and plot mistakes in advance. Don't just start pointing it out because I know it's there and will come back to editing it later. Just don't get on my nerves about it or there will be hell to pay.

**WARNING⚠️**

Mild swearing, mild sexual content.

**Cast**

Chelsea Kane as Jessica Harper

Ashton Kutcher as Walden Schmidt

Jon Cryer as Alan Harper

Angus T. Jones as Jake Harper

Conchata Ferrell as Berta

Holland Taylor as Evelyn Harper

  
other actors and actresses as their characters

* * *

I can't believe I'm finding myself here again in Malibu after all these years in New York. I've missed the long winding sandy beaches, the beautiful clear blue water and the subtle warm breeze fanning my skin. I just wished it was on much happier circumstances, dressed head to toe in black sat beside my mother in a town car. On the way to what would be my eldest brother Charlie's funeral.

My mother gave my hand another squeeze, "I so glad you came, Jessica, dear."

"Of course not I came here to help it's the least I could do," I returned the gesture, averting my gaze to the cardboard box that I had spotted at my mother's feet earlier after getting in the car, "What's in the box?"

"Nothing to concern yourself with dear," she feigned it was nothing of interest, but she wasn't fooling me so quickly.

"Mom?" I questioned more sternly, knowing now she was definitely up to something and in doing so before she could utter a word I quickly bent down to open the flaps of the box, "Now why am I not surprised," there staring back at me was realtor brochures for my brother Charlie's beach house.

"Jess, dear, let me..." my mother began to explain.

"Seriously mom I know Charlie wasn't the most perfect person in the world," I say with gritted teeth, "And you have the nerve to do this on the day of his funeral," I shook my head in disgust, "I cannot believe you."

"He has a tremendous amount of debt, plus there are closing costs and escrow fees to pay off on the house," my mother explains, before bribing me, "Also if you help me there's a little commission in it for you and Alan doesn't have to know a thing about it."

"Okay I suppose as your daughter and lawyer I can look the other way," I nod in agreement, "Besides Alan had been freeloading off Charlie since his divorce from Judith all those years living in that beach house. I hope he doesn't try bribing the next poor bastard who tries buying it," I finish with a scoff.

"Let's hope not dear," she pats my hand, "Because they are sorry they ever crossed him."

**-*-**

Once arriving at the funeral home, I helped my mom display the realtor brochures next to the refreshments. Not long after that, my brother Alan and my nephew Jake turned up.

"Hey, little sis," Alan comes to meet mom and me at the front where Charlie's closed casket lay, pulling me into a hug, "I wish we saw each other again despite the circumstances."

"Hey, Alan," I pulled away slightly, returning a sad smile, "Me too."

"Dad, why are you hugging some random blonde chick?" my nephew asked with a frown of confusion, which in turn I subtly roll my eyes. I loved Jake dearly, but he has the IQ of a goldfish and eating habits of a garbage disposal lorry.

"She's not some random blonde Jake she's your Aunt Jessica," my brother tried to explain in the most straightforward way he could.

"Oh, hey Aunt Jess," he voiced in realisation before greeting me, shrugging it off casually.

"Hello," my brother greeted mournfully, as he stood before everyone most of the congregation that I could see we're either my late brother's ex's, flings or God's knows what, "I'm Charlie's brother Alan.

"I want to thank you all for coming. I know this is a very sad day for all of us."

"Speak for yourself," I hear one of the women offer with a disbelieving scoff, it was like she didn't want to be here and had better things to do. Probably most of them didn't either gathering from the sour looks on their faces when coming in earlier.

"Okay," my brother uttered awkwardly, "Uh, I understand that some of you have 'mixed feelings.' Um but I think we can all agree that Charlie lived life to its fullest and...and gave it everything he had."

"Gave me herpes," one woman said.

Followed by another, "Chlamydia."

"Vaginal warts," and another.

"Excuse me," my mother got to her feet, from where we're sitting in the front row looking rather hurt and appalled, "This is my dead son we're talking about. I loved him, and I'm devastated that he's gone," she began to plug the sale of Charlie's house not being subtle about it at all, causing me to roll my eyes in disbelief and shake my head, "leaving me with nothing but my memories and my regrets and the listing for his beautiful beachfront Malibu getaway with three bedrooms and three and a half baths and a beautiful panoramic ocean view. Help yourselves to brochures out by the coffee urn."

"Thank you, Mom," Alan offered awkwardly with a nod, "Um, anyway."

My mother quickly added before fully sitting down, "Open house is Sunday,

"Okay," my brother to a breath and continued to speak, "Um, I'd like to take a moment to talk about my brother, um, and his incredible love for life."

"He also loved being spanked," one of the many women interrupted again, honestly one more thing out of them and I'd have said something.

"While wearing my panties."

"He used my panties to make tea."

"Okay, that's it," I quickly stood and approached the podium looking to Alan for permission to take over he could tell how pissed off I was about the jibes being made about Charlie something I wasn't going to stand for.

"My brother may not have been God's gift to women, but I won't stand by and let you belittle him no matter how much you hated his guts. Of course, he lived life by his own rules and...and never apologise for being who he was. But Charlie looked out for one girl in his life, and that was me because to me he was always my hero, my big brother..." tears spill out and slide down my cheek, "I'll miss you, Charlie."

But nobody in the room just didn't seem to even care for my heartfelt speech, "Yeah, blah, blah, blah."

"Why can't we see the body?" they asked as I sat back down, my mother putting a comforting hand upon my shoulder.

"Yeah, I didn't come all this way to spit on a closed coffin," a woman complained.

"Okay," Alan began explaining as he stood back at the podium, "I understand how you feel, but unfortunately due to the circumstances of his passing, the remains aren't exactly spit-able."

"I have a question," an older man with glasses raised his hand.

"Oh, okay," my brother stuttered slightly, "Uh, I wasn't planning on doing a Q and A, uh, but go ahead."

"Thank you," the man nodded before now inquiring, "Charlie owes me $38,000 for some, let's say, pharmaceuticals. Who do I talk to about that?"

"Uh, well, my sister Jessica is one of the lawyers who'll be more than happy to discuss this with you," Alan indicated to me in response.

"Yeah," the man quickly changed his tune once having heard about this, "I'd rather not involve the law."

"And now, uh," my brother continued, "I thought we'd take this moment to hear from the person who was with Charlie at the end."

A woman with dark brunette hair wearing a black hat and lace veil covering some of her face was none other than Rose, Charlie's crazed stalker, "Thank you, Alan. Charlie Harper was the love of my life and a wonderful, wonderful man."

"Selfish pig."

"Sure, our relationship had its ups and downs and the occasional restraining order," Rose continued on I knowing how much this woman drove Charlie crazy, "But at the end, we ran away together to Paris, where he asked me to marry him."

"Well that's a load of bull," I whispered to my mother who nodded in agreement.

"I said yes," Rose continued with her story, "And the next few days were the happiest of my life. Nothing could spoil it. Not even when I came home from shopping and found him taking a shower with another woman."

"That's our Charlie," I hear an older woman mention to the older man from earlier in a relatively positive manner, who had to be Berta my deceased brother's former house cleaner.

"But I forgave him because I loved him unconditionally, " but Rose went on by ignoring her comment, "So you can imagine my horror when, the very next day, he slipped on the Metro platform and fell in front of an oncoming train."

"Never cross a crazy woman," I now hear the man mention to Berta.

"I just want you all to know that Charlie didn't suffer," Rose continued mournfully, "His body just exploded like a balloon full of meat. Thank you."

Just after Rose has finished her speech my nephew can only think of his stomach, "I'm hungry," which in turn leaves myself and my mother bowing our heads in embarrassment, "Anyone else hungry?"

**-*-**

We're back at Charlie's beach house for the wake, I have many fond memories of this place, mostly when my big brother had played his piano. It just felt strange now that I wouldn't be seeing him sat there again with a drink in his hand.

As I now sat with my mother and Jake on the sofa facing away from the front door, my former sister-in-law Judith sat in the armchair to the right of me, her husband Herb back facing away from the glass doors leading out onto the decking.

Berta who rested herself on the arm of another chair tissue in her hand beside my living brother Alan standing nearby, drink in his hand as she recalled her times with my eldest brother, as the rest of us listened, "Charlie was the best boss I ever had. I needed a day off, 'Sure, Berta, no problem.' I needed a couple extra bucks, 'Sure, Berta, no problem.' All he ever asked in return was clean sheets and hosing the vomit off the occasional drug-addled hooker."

"What a beautiful story," my mother comments with slight fond sarcasm before inquiring, "Can I count on you to keep the house clean till I sell it?"

"Can I count on you to keep paying me?" Berta retorted back snarkily.

"Well, there's virtually no money in Charlie's estate, but I'll be happy to pay you once the house sells," my mother conveyed earnestly.

"Then that's when I'll clean it," Berta shrugged without care.

"I still don't see why we have to sell," Alan now comments, everybody's questioning eyes directly on him, "I mean, he left it to me. Obviously, he wanted me to have it."

"Can you make the mortgage payments?" I requested with a raised eyebrow tone more serious, before taking a sip of white wine from the glass in my hand.

"No."

"Can you pay the property tax?" my mother added in the same manner as myself.

"Not per se."

"But I was kind of hoping you'd help out," my brother decides to pull out his pity card by using Jake as an excuse for in hopes our mother would pay for his upkeep, "I mean, after all, your grandson lives here part-time."

My mother and I glanced over at Jake in disbelief, whilst he stuffed his face with a plate full of food, as I now looked to Judith, uttering what myself and my mother were both probably thinking, "Good job raising him by the way."

"Uh, darling," but mom wouldn't budge on it, "I can't afford to maintain my house and your house at the same time."

"But you're my mommy," Alan pleaded like a child, staring at him with disbelief before bowing his head in embarrassment.

"Good job raising him," Judith returned my recently used comment to her back at my mother about Alan.

"Once I sell this place, you can come live with me," my mother suggested.

"But why would I have to?" Alan frowned, "I mean, won't I get a lot of money from the sale?"

"Oh, c'mon Alan," I scoffed, before explaining to him, "Charlie, had three mortgages on this place. Once mom I help mom deduct the closing costs, escrow fees, " I looked down somewhat guilty, "Plus our commission," looked up again, seeing the his almost annoyed expression, "You'll be lucky to get much at all."

"Wait a minute," he stares at me for a few moments longer before glancing at our mother, "You're both planning to take a commission?" he looked to me again, "What do need it for anyway your a lawyer?"

"I need it to by an apartment," I offered honestly, before insisting with another sip of wine, "Besides, Alan you know that me and mom never work for free."

"Jessica's right dear," my mother agreed, "Why should I?" before she pulled a face of disgust glancing in my nephew's direction, "Don't think those silent ones are fooling anybody."


End file.
